It Makes my Heart Hurt.

I am not a serious relationship kind of person.

That phrase by itself always gives people
the idea that I am some sort of slut.
Let's clarify.
I am a 21 year old gay boy
&&
I have never had sex, period.

I'm not fat,
I'm not unattractive,
I have just never wanted to.
People have a tendency to throw themselves at me.
All I need is a good kisser
and I'm set.

I've come close enough to being hurt that I don't feel as though
I need to put myself in that sort of position at this point in my
life when I am trying to accomplish so much.

It is completely a personal thing.
I'm one of the most open minded people you will ever meet,
&& even though I don't desire to be in a committed relationship
I do not discourage them for other people.

Lately, I have had a lot of depressed people to be there for.
I am always the strong friend that everyone goes to.

My sister was dumped by her boyfriend less than a month
after he came home from being in Iraq for seven months.
He was her first serious relationship, and the boy she lost
her virginity to. It's been difficult for her. I try not to be mean
when I say things to her, but at the same time she is not the kind
of person that you want to sugar-coat things to. She won't even hear
them then. She's already made a fool of herself showing up at his
apartment crying && begging for him to take her back.
**Odd fact; he is 23 and was married when they started dating.
** Her argument, "But they were separated."

Ironically, the boy she dated before this last one is still friend with us
and just recently told us he was gay (as though we could not tell?).
He was dumped by his first boyfriend less than a month ago. It was
his very first serious relationship as well. It has been especially hard for him
because he has only just become comfortable with his sexuality.
I told him he still has a lot to learn about gay men, there is a reason
for stereotypes. I mean no offense by it, but it is true.

I have recently become close with a boy I have known for a few years now.
He is one of the most interesting people I know && I love to just be around him.
His life has been difficult for him because he has never been able to rely on
his family for anything other than a place to live. He's older than me by one day,
but he lives in a tiny town and has a very difficult time finding work. I'm the type
of person that wants to help everyone in any way I can, but I feel bad because
there is only so much I can do. I can't get him a job, or just give him a car, and right
now I can't afford to live alone and have him come stay with me. He does try, but,
like so many, he loses hope easily.

All three of them have called me crying in the past two weeks. Two of them have more than once.

I have been all over the city, and surrounding cities, doing anything I can think of to keep
their spirits up. I have even spend several days all over the city of New Orleans
helping one of them get things together.

One would think that dealing with the three of them, two being depressed because
of relationship problems, would make me even more against relationships.

Sadly, all I can think about is how
I seem to be developing stonger
feelings for the second boy.

He has basically thrown himself at me
several times, but I never act interested
because I am afraid of what might happen.

Not only to me, but to him.
I'm moving 8 hours a way in just a month,
&& I can't just bring him with me.
Also, I know he is not as strong as me.
If something were to happen I'm scared that it wouldn't
only make me sad, but it may devastate him.
He's never had a boyfriend in his life,
but even straight guys say he's hot.

All I want to do
is call him && see him.
=/